urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake and still is underpayed i rule 2009-10-01T10:34:07Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:188081 2009-10-01T10:34:07Z 2009-10-01T10:34:07Z hey, so, its been years...anyways. if anyone would like to get into contact with me, email me at derrikbattaglia@gmail.com lets talk. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:187761 2007-04-26T10:08:35Z 2007-04-26T10:08:35Z i am still alive.<br />i am still able to breathe.<br />i am still. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:187519 2006-10-11T21:21:52Z 2006-10-11T21:21:52Z i am still alive.<br />life goes on. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:187183 2006-02-25T07:23:55Z 2006-02-25T07:23:55Z everybody around me, probably you too, is happy being unhappy. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:186914 2006-02-07T16:19:35Z 2006-02-07T16:19:35Z becoming a better human being is a lot harder than i had anticipated. <br /><br />its hard to dicipline myself into not doing things i relied on SO MUCH in the last nineteen years of my life, and to being things than i am so unfamiliar with. for example...<br /><br />im staying away from binges<br />im staying away from drugs "for the hell of it"<br />i am staying away from excess, not only with substance but with foods, technology, possessions etc.<br />no more envy and jealously, no more rivals and grudges.<br />no more disrespect and jumping to conclusions, no more lies or deciet, no more this, no more that.<br />i am learning to love myself, rather than loath my day-to-day life.<br />i am learning to embrace each moment becuase each moment is new and unique.<br />and blah blah blah...you get the basic idea. <br /><br />i am not giving myself rules, but guidelines inspired by ridiculous things. religion, morals, science, media, drugs, well-being, etc. this is a process that will take my entire life. instead of living for the future or because of the past, i want to start enjoying my time on earth. <br /><br />i have spent nearly twenty years of my life letting myself be what i feared and have only now realized the only way to be free is to become fearless, to become beautiful, to become good and loving while remaining skeptical and wary, to keep sight of everything i see. <br /><br />im not planning on a complete change overnight, and i dont really expect anyone to understand what i am doing, this is for myself, this is for the lungs behind my ribcage, the brain beaneathe my skull, the heart thats pumping blood through my veins. not for you, or anyone else. but for this guy, right here. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:186712 2006-01-13T16:07:14Z 2006-01-13T16:07:14Z here we go again.<br /><br />so i ask myself...<br /><br />why do today, what i <i>should</i> have done yesterday?<br /><br />my inner-voice is left unheard. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:186570 2006-01-07T05:52:09Z 2006-01-07T05:52:09Z in the space of a few days ive gone from loving life and complete happiness to full on self-loathing and a anger towards everything.<br /><br />i am going crazy.<br /><br />there is no other explanation. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:186187 2005-12-27T18:02:29Z 2005-12-27T18:02:29Z i have been slowly, but steadily, improving my life. i have begun to investigate my life for clues on how to achieve true happiness, analyze situations, learn valuable knowledge, read more important books with more revilance to my situation blah blah, i have stopped living in the now and start living in the present with a conscience sharpened to help shape my future, etc etc. becoming a better human being, phase one. <br /><br />i didnt think it would actually work, but what do you know. ive been a happy person lately, i havent had that in a long time. i think its going to last simply because for the first time since ive been alive and conscience to know what effecs me, i can really reflect and learn internally. <br /><br />i must sound insane. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:185966 2005-12-23T14:34:14Z 2005-12-23T14:34:14Z "what the fuck? holy shit! jesus christ, why the fuck is---shit!"<br /><br />imagine my surprise when i peered through my window to see two humans, that closley resembled two wilderbeasts, within plain view of my precious peepers, were actually grinding their horrible grotesque human masses of skin and hair together in a fashion that would strike fear into the heart of even the devil himself. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:185609 2005-12-19T18:08:10Z 2005-12-19T18:08:10Z being alone is unhealthy. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:185352 2005-12-13T15:53:43Z 2005-12-13T15:53:43Z woah.<br /><br /><br />i need to stop this super intense schedual before i die. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:185158 2005-12-11T23:30:23Z 2005-12-11T23:30:23Z its been nineteen years. <br /><br />i want to start seeing a different person in the mirror. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:185054 2005-12-10T14:41:21Z 2005-12-10T14:41:21Z ive begun phase one to my path of becoming a better human being.<br /><br />im not sure what phase two is, but i must not ready for it yet.<br /><br />there is so much learning to be done, im excited. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:184798 2005-12-03T08:10:00Z 2005-12-03T08:10:00Z i work seventy hour weeks and have lost a major portion of my immune system to over exposure to awesomeness.<br /><br />i like coughing, really. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:184414 2005-12-02T16:10:40Z 2005-12-02T16:10:40Z i live a really lonely life.<br /><br />fuck that, i need to get out of here. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:184251 2005-11-30T02:04:19Z 2005-11-30T02:04:19Z are you living life, or are you simply just breathing? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:183869 2005-11-29T14:35:51Z 2005-11-29T14:35:51Z i am a good human being.<br />i am a bad person.<br /><br />get that straight. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:183593 2005-11-27T10:13:13Z 2005-11-27T10:13:13Z to keep up for the overnight shift at work i have been consuming massive amounts of a particular energy drink, this drink is "monster", not too popular amongst its energy drink peers "monster" is still quite a potent elixir. presented with the challenge, i attempted to describe the rush my brain felt once the effects began to take place. after a few minutes of waiting my asshole perks up and then....FUCKING CHRIST, it feels like i let a pack of rabid dogs into my brain, to top it off somebody dowsed the poor animals with hairgel coupled with an awful stench not too stray from garbage and fecal matter. this may seem like an odd way to explain a taste, but this is not simply a taste to amuse your tastebuds, but rather it is an experience that must be met with vigor and an absolute need for the answer to the meaning of life. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:183455 2005-11-25T00:40:51Z 2005-11-25T00:40:51Z ive developed a habit of hiding my phone from myself during the holidays. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:183099 2005-11-23T05:33:36Z 2005-11-23T05:33:36Z horrible things keep happening and i cant keep track of them. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:182947 2005-11-21T05:24:56Z 2005-11-21T05:24:56Z too fucking much reality not reality no this is reality are you sure becuase uuhhh fuckin okay reality in a day fuck.<br /><br />too much at once. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:182650 2005-11-21T01:19:59Z 2005-11-21T01:19:59Z what wonderful things this cyberspace brings urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:182427 2005-11-20T16:16:05Z 2005-11-20T16:16:05Z i just wasted that moment of my life thinking of you.<br /><br /><br /><br />which brings me to my next item of discussion: i need a safe place to sleep. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:182031 2005-11-19T06:28:45Z 2005-11-19T06:28:45Z fucking christ god dammit.<br /><br />i would have made a fucking killing tonight.<br /><br /><br /><br />fucking scarface style, shit. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupidsmistake:181932 2005-11-17T14:42:04Z 2005-11-17T14:42:04Z the moonlight gives me enough light to find the road without my headlights.<br /><br />the getaway.